Why do so many people get the self-esteem thing so wrong. Self-esteem is a by-product of feeling competent, of being able to act effectively in the world. Faking it won’t make it. Self-esteem is very important in the development of a healthy ego, of a healthy social being. In order to foster this important kind of self-evaluation we need to teach kids useful skills, not praise them mendaciously. That only gives them a false sense of self and of the world. So, perhaps the issues so many seem to have with “ego” is misunderstanding what a healthy ego is.
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People get the ego all wrong. I do understand — it is what we are taught.
Ego is meant to be the organizing principle in our consciousness to help us develop and maintain focus, to live purposefully.  It is a hard-working, important tool if we are to be social beings in a material world. When ego is well used, it allows us to make sense of the flood of sensations, organize time/space/tools/intent into worthwhile projects, create appropriate interfaces for smooth social commerce, and generally function as strong, self-motivated, sane actors. Because we are misinformed, we often grow misformed egos that are not well used or healthy. This can create deep resentments, anti-social inclinations, general confusion about one’s place in the world. Rather than denigrating ego, we would do well to befriend our various strands and become more whole, more able, more socially useful and personally joyful.
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The denigration of the ego as illusion or self-aggrandizement is often a barrier to appropriate understanding of the ego’s usefulness.  You have a goal; ego lets there be an organizing “you” to attain it.
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Having regard for oneself, respect for that first person singular subjective locus, why would that be considered negative? Bragging, puffing up, presenting oneself as more important are not attributes of self-regard. They are attributes of insecurity, a need for constant validation, a role played to gain attention or misdirect. The person who is secure within their own skin is generally genial, with no need to take the spotlight, unless that is their role in a particular performance. So why is the ego, the self, the first person singular, the focused consciousness maligned?
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Ego is not the problem, the separation, an enemy of flow or mindful awareness.  It is this misconstruing of Ego’s purpose and nature that we have generally accepted.  Healthy ego is simply the operating organizer of the mind, a flowing together of all of our impressions and understandings.  If we were to have the kind of sacred relationship to ourselves that accepts and loves we would have no need to vilify this or any other part of our beings.
We need an ego to be able to relate.  What needs to go are the unhealthy ideas about ourselves that corrupt the ego’s functioning.
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The ego is an organizing principle within the psyche, much like government is an organizing principle within the society,
the problem with both is when we mistake a tool for a master.