Moon in Gemini

I’ve been thinking about that theory of human life being some kind of ultimate point of the Universe. Divine Design, I guess. God’s will with the “scientific” twist about all these highly improbable coincidences that had to be just right or life wouldn’t have made it. But then, self-evidently, we are here, as well as a plethora of other things and beings. I mean, there’s no logical reason for it to have been other than accidental, the vagaries of eternity and random chance. Not that I believe it all accidental. I have a multi-layered view of reality. On some level an event could well be an accidental meeting of forces. On some level it could be eternally meaningful, part of a work of art or grand legend. On some level it could be imagination, maya, a random thought soon forgotten, a dream, a metaphor. On some level it could be a cosmic joke or a cosmic unraveling of all that is which includes all that could be, all existing at once, but seen spread out, like taking in a panorama.

Sometimes I think I awaken into a subtly changed Universe, maybe a very close parallel dimension, where all those little differences appear like memory glitches or strange miscommunications. Reality is definitely not what it’s made out to be in school and mass media. No, it’s not the drugs. I really don’t do that hardly anymore. When I did, I was way too involved in self-pity to have any conceptualizations of this nature. It is difficult, though, to speak of these concepts in prose. The word/referent link is slippery. Maybe that’s why scientists use math. Is math a kind of poetry, symbolic language to describe concepts not easily manipulated into common parlance?

I never thought about math like that before. The way it was pigeon-holed in school didn’t make sense. Of course numbers are often combined with words as adjectives and functions, often act as metaphors. I think I’m digressing.

Okay, music is based on math, intervals, rhythms, resonances. But is the music I hear in my head mathematical, or pure experience based on intuitive emotive reaction to sound? The language is the map, the human-made interpretation and communicative symbology. The experience is the territory, the reality. I think art is meant to bridge the gap, to be a language of more direct experiencing.

Who else could I talk to like this without sounding so totally out there? Good to have you to converse with, Persephone’s journal. No, that’s not fair. I do have friends who get these conversations about, well I guess metaphysics. Tom and I definitely connect on that level. There is something very basic, a pull, a cord (chord?) between us. Something meant to be? I can say we get each other on a fundamental level, but that is map, not territory. On many levels we complete each other. We can experience other lovers without jealousy or even concern, because what we share, even sexually, is about essence and mutual need for that deep expression, again poetry, music, knowing beyond words.

Maybe it’s just me, too hung up on words, my writer’s world. But then, I do directly experience all the time. Experience, that’s the element of writing, of any art, you can’t fake. You can learn all the tricks, but experience is what provides something meaningful to say. Without that, all you’ve got is language. What use is a map without territory to refer to?